Feel Young Again |

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Mums often get worn down, especially first time mums, and end up feeling older than their years. So how can tired mums feel young again?  Well, firstly, there are a few secrets to staying young for mums and the first step is that they need to avoid the most costly mistakes mums can inadvertently make.

It’s not intentional to get worn down.  It happens for the best reasons, to give your child the best start.  It’s all about trying to live up to an idealized standard.  And it’s a costly mistake.

Your baby starts life as a totally helpless human being and relies completely on someone else, mostly you, to take care of it till they can take care of themselves.  This can be anywhere from age 3 to 33 plus.  It depends on you.

As parents we grow up along with our children, hopefully.  We learn as we go just as they do.  And often by child number two or three we get the hang of it.  We soon find trying to mimic someone else doesn’t work.  Being real means sometimes we get it right and sometimes we get it wrong – whatever that means.  More accurately, some strategies get the results we aim at and some miss the mark.  So we have to decide what to aim for.

Many mums have discovered too late that always putting your child first and placating and fixing their every upset can become a life pattern.  That keeps mum in a martyr or servant role forever.  It also prevents your child learning that life consists of ups and downs and may not always be the way they want it.   And learning they can survive the inconvenience or disappointment, that it’s not the end of the world.

Learning very often happens when we are outside out existing comfort zone, which means we will feel uncomfortable at times – and that’s OK.  Your child sometimes needs to live with discomfort to have the experience of living through it, to learn, to find or create solutions and come out the other end with new skills and insights.  And it’s important they learn that early in life, to develop resilience and eventually grow into effective problem solving adults.

So it is often you, as mum, who has to learn to be comfortable with your child being uncomfortable and not rush in to rescue.  That can be hard to do because you start with this adorable bundle you love to bits and want to see smiling all the time, and you get addicted to seeing the smile directed at you so you can feel good.

The patterns you set up at the beginning can become a rod for your own back.  Have you heard that saying?  Not sure who said it but “they” may have a point.  Most mums the world over want to do their best for their children and be the most perfect mum possible.  These ideals were formulated long before their children were born.  Trying to live up to or enforce these ideals can set up huge stresses, massive expectations, rob themselves of the joys of motherhood, strain family relationships, cause a lot of unhappiness and destroy their physical and emotional health.  Ideals need regular review.  As you learn more, see more, know more, you may need to adjust your original concepts.

One thing that can avoid struggles later is to set boundaries early in your child’s life.  Create rhythms and patterns that respect your time and energy as well as their need to interact with you, your partner and others.  Mutual respect is a great starting place.

The best mum is a happy mum that models love and respect for self and for others.

We all learn as we go how to live a balance of self discipline, necessary daily routines, flexibility, contribution, creativity, self expression and fun.

So start with the end in mind.  Decide the kind characteristics your child will need to build to be an effective and happy adult. List the characteristics – be confident, spontaneous, capable, considerate, aware, independent, etc. Then set the foundation from the start and model the results you are aiming at.

As a mum the key thing to add into the mothering program is taking care of yourself, and by following these secrets to staying young for mums you will learn how to keep your energy high because then you can be at your creative, fun loving best.